Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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