Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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