the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
