that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
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He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
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A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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