Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Randomize
