Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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