Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
