he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
