Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Its about making memories worth repressing
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
