I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
