3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Umm I'm too high to move.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
