i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
