is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
