And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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