Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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