Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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