He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
