There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
