I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
being pregnant is like rehab
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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