I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
