My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
