I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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