and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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