we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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