Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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