I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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