Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
