One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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