my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
