so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
