I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
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Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
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I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed