Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i want to fuck
it's pretty self explanatory
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.