actually, I'm a sock model
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.