cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
