Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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