They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
