there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
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Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
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I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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