OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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