I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
