I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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