my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
