this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
