My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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