its not stalking. its research.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
