I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
