don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
