Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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