I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
