what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
