Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
