I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
