i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
