Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
