you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm way too hungover for life right now
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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