ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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