Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
