He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
