is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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