i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
