i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
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Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
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Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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