i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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