Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
