Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
