arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
