We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
