My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
