It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
