best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
did you just send me my own nude
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
