too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
