Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
