Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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