I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
