Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
