so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
