im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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