Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize